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How to Have Healthier Relationship through Emotional Independence

by Michael Teh

Is it not true that we frequently make our emotional “home” in the hearts of others, entrusting them with our joy and sorrow? We look to them for acceptance and validation, and when they, or we, are no longer in the picture, we might feel a profound sense of loss, helplessness, and emptiness. We need to stop letting other people decide how much joy or sorrow we experience.

“Emotional independence means being able to control your feelings and keep a positive view of yourself even when things aren’t going well.”

From the time we are young and rely on our parents until the time we are an adult and rely on our spouse and offspring to make us happy, we have come to almost entirely rely on others to meet our emotional needs.

Despite the need for both emotional and financial autonomy, neither is ever explicitly taught to us.

It’s up to each of us to determine the source of our own joy and suffering, so it’s crucial that we learn to harness the power of our feelings rather than let them control us.

The question then becomes, “What exactly is emotional independence?”

Emotional independence means being able to control your feelings and keep a positive view of yourself even when things aren’t going well.

It’s also the skill of being able to control our feelings without the acceptance, attention, or affirmation of other people.

Having no emotional ties to others is distinct from being emotionally independent.

What function does emotional autonomy play in close relationships?

  1. Creating Joy from Within

A person who is emotionally independent is in charge of his own feelings and emotions; he does not seek or rely on the approval or approval of others to feel content.

  1. Improved Mutual Understanding and Confidence

When you’re in charge of your own feelings, you have a deep awareness of yourself and, by extension, the feelings of those around you, which can only lead to more trust and a more fulfilling relationship.

  1. Better Connections

Everyone seeks out relationships that provide them with joy and satisfaction. Being emotionally self-reliant means that you are no longer dependent on the approval or approval of others to feel good about yourself. You don’t rely on the other person to make you happy; instead, you look within yourself and share what you’ve found.

 

The Path to Emotional Independence

  1. Self-Awareness and Self-Love are Practices to Cultivate:

Take some time each day to quiet your thoughts and tune in to your inner voice through meditation or mindfulness practices. This will help you become more in touch with your feelings. Writing down one’s thoughts and feelings in a journal after meditating is a helpful first step as well. Giving yourself a little bit of time and attention every day will have a profound effect on how strong and assured you feel on the inside.

  1. First, Learn to Love Yourself

Simply stop pretending you’re not who you are or weren’t. It’s admirable to want to develop into a better person, but that can’t happen until you’ve spent some time getting to know the person you are now. Miracles are possible because of the power of acceptance. Your inner confidence will be strengthened.

  1. Practice Thankfulness

Having a perpetual state of discontent is a surefire recipe for misery, as evidenced by the fact that those who regularly express their discontentment tend to engage in a similar pattern of behaviour.

Gratitude, fortunately, is one remedy for this defeatist way of thinking.

To practice thankfulness is to stop taking the wonderful things in your life for granted and begin appreciating them for what they are. To rephrase, you stop moaning about what you lack and start appreciating what you do have

  1. Let Go

Not holding grudges for too long is the best way to move on. Being unable to let go of the past is, in my opinion, a major source of unhappiness in life. Just accept your shortcomings and grow from them.

  1. Personal Accountability

Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of assigning blame; if you start looking outside of yourself for answers, you’ll end up right back where you started. So, regardless of the circumstances, you must accept personal responsibility.

  1. Acknowledge your Emotions

If you feel something, whether good or bad, just accept it. Feel all you feel, be present with your emotions, and try to understand why you’re feeling the way you are. Doing this often will help you become more in tune with your inner state of mind.

  1. Embrace Solitude

In a world full of distractions, taking time to focus solely on yourself will not only boost your spirits but also your energy levels.

 

Credit: Medium.com

Michael Teh, 11th August 2022.

Michael Teh is a meditation coach devoted to a personal mission of awakening more people to higher consciousness. He teaches self-realization through meditation, qigong, yoga and philosophy.

Michael Teh Signature Workshop: The Essence of Life Series explores meditation as a powerful tool to realize our true potential. Michael has designed multiple workshops in this series to support his participants’ self-realization journey. Workshop Series 1 is currently running every few months on-ground in Kuala Lumpur, titled “Knowledge of The Self and Fundamentals of Meditation”.

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